I do no wrong. I am always right. Right? I forget why I am sending this. It seemed relevant.
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
surgery went fine. i cant breath out of my right nostril though. lets not eat peas anymore when we are drunk.
im trying to stop thinking of him and his amazing dick. every time i do i snap myself with a rubber band. classical conditioning at its finest...and you said i wouldnt learn anything from psychology.
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Just found some confetti on my nipple if that's any indicator of how the night went
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
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