you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
i sneezed during and he said it felt like i gave birth to his dick...then asked me to do it again.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Mac n' cheese is coming out of my nose. You can't make that feel better
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
My Mormon mother just found a butt-plug in our AirBnB closet.
Randomize
