I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
just upgraded from jello shots to jello bowls blacking out just got that much more delicious
You're earring is so big in my mouth
just realized i can abbreviate thomas paine as t pain in poli theory class notes....YES
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Tell me about it. Running across highways take alot outta ya. When he found out, he was all "concerned" about it.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
What I'm doing now is like me taking a bagel, dropping it butter side down, leaving it for six years, picking it back up, and trying to fuck it
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
Dude, I'm at a wedding and there's a mashed potato bar and bacon strip appetizers. I'm getting all emotional.
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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