Do you think they'll have a special part during the BET awards for Michael Jackson even though he turned white?
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
walk of shame this morning involved walking through the in-home daycare that she runs while it was full of kids. judgemental little shits. on a plus, got a juice box and a graham cracker for the walk home.
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
If the amount of time the owner spent looking at my tits is any indication, I’d say I can probably sleep my way to the top
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