my boobs are a 3G dead zone. as soon as i take my phone out of my bra, it has a signal again.
sorry for making everyone realize you look like bruce jenner
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
i drank out of a bidet.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Sharted again. Stuck in traffic. Fuck
Randomize
