Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
This is the last pregnancy scare i've had since i was 12 and i thought you could get pregnant from masturbating.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I don't know. What do people who don't get stoned do?
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
You reached new levels of laziness. After we woke you up to take shots with us, you stayed in bed so you didn't have to move when you were drunk and sleepy
Shotgunning beers in the shower. Mom would be proud.
Randomize
