I haven't had sex in so long I'll probably find some stranger, feel guilty, go w/o sex for several months and do it all over again...always something to look forward to
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
Confidence is key. All I had to tell him is I'm drinking a bottle of wine and eating chocolate today to celebrate that I love myself. That's how you get a Valentine, my friend.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Oh aight, and i was just going to be content with drinking, beating off and watching ninja turtles
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
I'm just that drunk tells people I love them or wants to set them on fire. Accept that.
George disappeared two hours ago with a stripper named "delicious." Haven't seen him since
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
Randomize
