Don't fret. That vag would have consumed a lesser man.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
A burger king employee called me from your phone while you were on their bathroom floorl. Hope ur not in jail....4 realz
Btw after this weekend the chipndales costume has a 125% success rate.
pretty sure I just came the closest to throwing up in my pants that I'm ever gonna get. I'd like to thank the academy and the hangover thatt I hope actually kills me in the morning.
Ive been thinking this might sound random.. But we need a piano in our house next year specifically for railing chicks on it.
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
i just sexted for my mom while she was driving, i have hit an all time low.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
