"women exchanges sex for chips" on msnbc
damn even the hoes are getting hit by this economy
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
Some chick just tried to plug her vodka into the wall.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
idk i usually just blame everything on steve
Steve quit two months ago
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
Randomize
