i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Walk of Shame. In a state park.
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
I cannot for the life of me remember why I am holding this rabbit.
When you get a chance, you should call Nick. He REEAAAALLLLLY wants to hear you make chewbacca noises.
Dude you of all people would miss her giving him a handjob in front of the whole party
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Also, I pretty much need an IV of fluids straight to my soul
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
Randomize
