Why is there a living, breathing cow on your front porch?
I had another sleeping on concrete incident.
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
That moment when you’re at the doctor to give a sperm sample you’re only getting 3G so the porn is buffering
Randomize
