So I ate yogurt with the back of my toothbrush. I feel like I've officially been initiated into college.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
Bullets don't scare me. I wish I was a coyote
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Okay I'm ready to show you that my weiner still works
Too late, I'm convinced it's broken
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
Randomize
