If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
Boy did I ever crash and burn on the pickled egg pick up line.
The number of people who end up getting laid as a result of the cha cha slide....is terrible.
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
Great sex, the promise of us mixing our excellent genetics in the future, and access to drugs are mainly what's holding this relationship together at the moment
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
The first thing we did this morning was see if we could see her barf in the prking lot from the roof. We could. It was in 5 spaces.
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
