Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
And my awkwardness continues. I felt the need to send him a text that said roar. I did it.
For those pictures, I will suffer this headache.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Yeah I mean its Vermont, not like id be the first guy to trade pharmaceutical services for beer
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
How's my date look?
Like a retarded elf
In a good way
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
it's like that moment that you're driving and realize you're lost except instead of driving i'm just sitting here in my living room drunk, eating a plate of sausages, drinking red wine and just thinking "i'm going to be 28 this year. i know people who are married, with beautiful and well behaved children. where was the wrong turn?"
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
