you hand the children out the window. i'll pour the drinks.
I'm pretty sure he came before I knew he was inside me.. Didn't think that was his plan when he said he was gonna do things I've never experienced before
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
Its like a zucchini between his legs. An orgasmic zucchini.
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
Some guy just rode an office chair down my street, I hope he comes back so I can give him my number.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
Woke up this morning with an extra $35 and someone else's ATM receipt. How much did I drink last night?
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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