I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
home. puking in laundry basket.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There were 4 naked women demanding my presence. Of COURSE I got into the pool.
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
I'm really sorry I hooked up with your student on the dance floor..
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I had to reschedule my trainer meeting so now I'm just here eating hot pockets
If hypothetically I needed to puke on the bus... how would I go about doing this.
Randomize
