how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
See, not all bad decisions involve my penis.
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I'll be visiting the rave tower. Prepare your finest boxed wines for my consumption.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
Randomize
