my dad just told me that a lesbian kissed my mom at a bar last year
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
Remind me if I threw up on you last night or if that was just a dream.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Last night when we banged she had nothing else on but socks that said 'property of Jesus' on them.
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
When he identified himself as captain clitoris i knew my night was fucked.
Randomize
