I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
im so drunk with asians
where?
always
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
You emptied out your taco and asked the lady for a refill...and then you continued to carry out a full conversation SCREAMING
Apparently it is impossible to get kicked out of taco bell....I'll try harder next time
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Can we make a sex game out of monopoly somehow?
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
Topless, eating sour gummies, doing a crossword, at 4 AM. TELL ME IM BEAUTIFUL!
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