just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Performed a legit marriage between 2 drunk people at last call yesterday. Becoming ordained has already paid for itself.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
she drove 3 hrs one way just to sleep with me. I felt bad complaining about paying for condoms.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I just want nice things and good sex
the fact that you have a guy named the "i want you to tie me up and fuck me" guy speaks volumes about your life.
She bit my shoulder during foreplay last night, and it's already infected. I think she has rabies.
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
Randomize
