Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
do you know your status is "goal for vegas: hook up with a girl AND a boy"?
and THATS why i'm not adding my mom on facebook
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
Everything smells like blood and olive oil.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
It's nice doing the walk of shame at 530 am, the birds are chirping, campus is empty, and it's dark so noone can see who the Fuck you are
Just saw a girl I banged wearing a pro life shirt downtown. Not sure where to start with that.
Randomize
