I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
just crush a couple of percocets into it. tell him sam adams came out with a new beer. flavored with sleep.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
Cat. Why do you sit on things I need to use.
Because it is cat.
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
We put a ban on pants at an unusually early point in the night.
You had me on my knees catching cheese balls in my mouth and moaning. In front of all your friends.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Randomize
