I found the TV remote. It was in the washing machine along with the chicken wings you kept complaining to Domino's about that they 'never delivered'
Best look from Detroit today: running across the street with your buttcheeks on display carrying a 40 oz. Or maybe being crazy-pregnant and screaming and slamming a pay phone. Toss up.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Theres either a bag of coke in my pocket or a bag of anthrax, either way last night got way to serious
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
You have to summon your inner elephant
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
You were yelling at the mannequin and saying "DON'T LOOK AT ME"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
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