my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
I think I should have my paycheck direct deposited to the bar
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
Ted is on HBO in 20 minutes...not sure if this or the drunken dance party I had at the bar to a N*SYNC Christmas song 20 minutes ago is the highlight of my week so far.
Her alarm in the morning was Best Day Ever from Spongebob. I'm have lots of conflicting feelings right now...
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I fucked him on my yoga mat. Then we wake and baked and ate granola. So yes, you could say I found my center.
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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