He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We've been walking through the woods for two hours, he just keeps taking pictures. At least we'll remember this tomorrow.
Home-made laxative recipe: activia yogurt and tequila shots. Any ratio ought to work.
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
Shit day. Some kids decided to open my car at 3 AM while I was at work and the alarm went off. I went after them with a sword but they were minors so I didn't kill them.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
