So I accidentally txted this girl with the same name as the one im seeing, as it turns out shes still dtf
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
So... I'm really sorry I tried to sell you to random people in cars last night
I was dancing barefoot on glass at one point. That really sobered me up.
Her legal name is Candy. Her being a whore is implied.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
this kid sitting diagonally in front of me is searching "cheap bongs" on google. hahahhaaha. who does this kid think he is?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
