She said I could do whatever I wanted to her. I pumped for 20 seconds, apologized, rolled over and passed out. I sit directly across from her at work. Awkward?
ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
You fell asleep mid BJ last night. I put your pants back on you. My ego is pretty bruised this morning.
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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