don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
i think i just put your shirt on , but i don't remember . my body can't decide if it wants to move in slow motion or fast forward
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Just because he saw my boobs doesn't mean he knows me all of a sudden
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Is it really bad that my last patient offered to fuck my brains out if I gave her IV morphine...and I gave her my phone number and told her when my shift is over?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
