You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
I miss Bob Barker.
Yeah, more like Douche Carey...
after he gave me a diploma for giving him amazing head, getting a regular diploma isnt all that cool.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
So I can officially say that someone has licked whipped cream off my nipples. Go senior year
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
You snapped me at 3am drunk laying on your floor asking if I knew how we couldn't have predicted the housing crisis.
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Randomize
