That's when you crack a 10am beer
I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
im at planned parenthood. the form wants to know what our usual form of contraception is?
anal.
people from other dorms came to marvel at the dump i took. i had a bio major take a picture.
I think need to divide my DVD collection into "movies I've seen" and "movies I've only seen during sex"
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
It wasn't until after we began having sex again the next morning I realized I didn't know his name.
Randomize
