he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
The KFC double down is way too much for a drunk. He was just staring at it in awe.
I'm getting very mixed reviews. One friend told me to stop drinking bc the last 3 times he's heard from me I've either peed my pants, been throwing up, or people have been having sex beside me.
Strangely enough I'm encouraging you to keep drinking for all the same reasons.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
You thanked your mom for the gymnastic lessons so you could do a keg stand
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
You're an adult now and it's your vagina. You should do what it or you wants.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Idk she seemed really innocent until she snorted that line of vicodin
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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