Sometimes your consistent use of proper punctuation makes me nervous D:
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Putting a positive pregnancy test next to my condoms in my drawer so I remember why I always need to use condoms
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
Randomize
