Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
We're playing Edward Bottle-of-eight-dollar-sale-wine-hands now
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
Just threw up at the bar from the heat. Fun change of pace.
...then she kept trying to make balloon animals with my flacid penis. I'm never drinking whisky with you again.
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Stop giving guys blow jobs because you're no good and it's messing up my sex life. Word gets around & then they think it's me and don't believe me when I say I have a twin. Learn to stuck dick right.
I mean, I love her. But not "I'll have a threesome with her." Type of love.
Sarah's knitting me a hat as an apology for unknowingly making out with my boyfriend
I love it when he cheats on me with nice people
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
I passed out in your bed last night...there maybe a snickers and twix bar under your pillow
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
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