You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
Foreign porn with subtitles is a little disappointing.
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
he went up stairs with nothing on but calvin klein's and an eskimo hat, said hi to her dad, got a doughnut, and left like it was an everyday thing
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
Yeah we fucked. I ran into her the next day, I had to pick up the girl scout cookies I ordered from her boyfriends kids.
Do exhausted, barely concealed hand jobs count as joining the mile high club?
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
woke up to find a case of beer in the oven and a random puppy in the house...guess i had a party last night?
she just kept straddling the railing to the stairs and shouting "come on Seabiscuit, lets win this for America."
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Why is the toilet broken? Why did I wake up naked in the shower, hugging a bath mat? WHY IS THE TOILET BROKEN?
Is it just clogged or something?
No! There are actual chunks of toilet on the floor.
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