You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I honestly don't think it will ever get topped. Unless a real female cop arrests me, then fucks me. That's it.
Just watched two people have sex in the pool. Hope you enjoy your yeast infection courtesy of the comfort inn.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
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