It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
are any of them hardcore sluts...just absolute worthless human beings? if not the paper wins
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
using blue streamers we found on the bathroom floor was probably not the best substitute for toilet paper.
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
