i either just walked in on pete wacking off to webmd or he was checking his dick for herpes
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Ill give you a 4 hour blow job if you make my nephew go to bed.
I woke up in solitary confinement, wheb they moved me the guy that sold me the pill of Molly at the concert was in the police waiting room, we nodded to each other.
He used the expression "my couch is your couch" as a come on line.
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
Ya that dick wasn't worth burning a perfectly good pizza.
You live and learn.
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