oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Apparently my face was in the trashcan and in between throw ups I was screaming LOS DIABLOS. I woke up this morning with a bird flying around my room. Nobody seems as concerned as I am.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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