wow, farting in latex pants is really awkward.
There is a distinct lack of front teeth here.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
Think about if the incredible hulk and king kong had a retarded baby. That's the sound she made in my ear the entire time I fucked her.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
I'll screw just about anything, but I draw the line there
What am I thankful for..I figured out I can drink on antibiotics without getting sick thanks to the power of pot gummies
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
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