he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
Then pass out next to me, I'll be under a pong table or a park bench. Really depends on the weather during Mifflin
He's currently surrounded by roughly 23 girls he fucked and never called. He may not make it out of here. Bar of doom? Or of redemption?
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
