Do you remember peeing on the wall and then yelling at us to stop looking at your dick?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
Try denying you're gay when "I'm Not A Girl, But Not Yet A Woman" comes on Shuffle.
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
Had sex on a washing machine in a pool of beer. Can you say success.
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
#1- I went to button my shirt only to find they were all mising. #2- I'm so fu@king sore I feel like I was sweating to the oldies all night. #3- this pounding headache I have, I blame solely on Jennifer. Everyone sounds like Billy Mays when they talk. I remember nothing from last night, I'm concerned.
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
Responsible roommate: 1. Someone who takes a huge shit at work so as not to clog the toilet at home.
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Shooting a bottle rocket from my penis was entirely justified. Twenty bucks is twenty buck no matter how you look at it
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
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