So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
He had one of those small greek statue penises
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
Oh god. Standing was a rash decision
I made it to Starbucks to do work and I've just been sitting here with my head on the table for 30 minutes...
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
the amount of times i have been intoxicated, barefoot, and in a robe at 3 am at the quick check by your house is impressive, especially since i live an hour away
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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