Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I hate the Packers so much, I wouldn't cheer for them if they were playing al Qaeda.
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
all im saying is 27 is too old to still be drinking 40s, you make more money than me, buy some decent shit
screw you you golddigging beer snob
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
