I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
Just charged fat mistake $3 for a beer.
Pretty sure they aren't letting me back to karaoke night after I screamed "fuck every one of you tasteless hillbillies!!" because I felt they didn't clap loud enough for Jen.
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
...there was a woman in the stall next to me in the Walmart bathroom having a massive bowl movement and whispering "I'm sorry" over and over
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Randomize
