He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
just found the land before time on youtube... I'm so fucked for finals
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
Blew a line and having a jolly rancher... the day is looking up.
My mom is holding a picture of me, crying, and saying "where did I go wrong" over and over again.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Last night I woke up and the national rep of his frat was sucking my toe.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I'm the only person I know who could have actual sex and then dream about my vibrator.
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
Randomize
