No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
My RA just tried to write me up for having sex too loudly during quiet hours.
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
sometimes i think what itd be like to be a firework
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
Quick I need a sexy way to say "suck your balls"
I woke up this morning fully clothed with a dart in my pocket
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
