sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
This wouldn't happen so much if fat girls would just stop being so damn easy.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I never thought wine and chicken nuggets would end up being a thing that I did, but here we are
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I feel like I should be having more sex dreams of my boyfriend than his sister..
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Did anyone see us fucking last night on the giant turtle outside downtown Disney?
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Randomize
