I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
Just induced vomiting to put out a carpet fire.
Everyone is cheering
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
i was in burrito mode and too drunk to move. no fucks were given. none.
If you quit, you're not going to stick to our game plan of dead by 40. I will not be in the titty bar nursing home without you damning
Damnit.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
This drink tastes like mosquito repellent.
Randomize
