Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Dude! I just figured out I can successfully hide a 4oz flask between my boobs without endangering my cleavage! College: conquered!
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
Is it bad that we left the kid passed out on the bus? I think his name was texas. I was too drunk to be questioning this.
I got a message the other day that just said “great tits”
A gentleman AND a scholar
I had to cum in my sink.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
