Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
Hahhaha I literally just rolled outta bed and went to get beer in my pj's and slippers. God I love graduating
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
Remember don't think of it as being an alcoholic until something bad happens.
Think of it as Mythbusters for people who say you're going to get arrested or die
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You can't have your cake and publicly stick your dick in it too
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
In other news, I just threw up my burrito and am currently on all fours literally crawling back to my bed
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