it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
It had been so long since my last time that it was easily a double helping of stomach pancakes. I think she was mildly impressed.
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Deciding whether to take my sex toys home for Christmas will be the biggest decision I make this holiday season
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
The first thing I did in 2015 was suck a dick.....so.....
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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