ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
I'm just going to lay in a blanket cocoon of self pity for the next few months.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
I think someone cast a spell on the lazy stoner rich boy stereotype and it came to life and called me.
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I feel like I should remember what we did after leaving the party because apparently a llama was involved, but all I can manage is the part where I asked you to cuff my ankle to the bed so I wouldn't backflip away.
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
the guy in front of me in walmart is buying a blowtorch, potato chips, and condoms. I'm curious and horrified at the same time.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
